Just one more day

As promised, I want to write about the weeks prior to me moving down to Virginia to start med school. I remember back at the beginning of July I felt like I had so much time until it would be August 8th and I would be starting orientation. I began to think of all the things I needed to get done, the things I wanted to do, and all the people I wanted to see before I left. I remember thinking that there was plenty of time to fit everything in...

As the weeks progressed, I actually did get quite a lot done in a short period of time, especially with regards to all the paperwork and preparations for med school. I somehow managed to schedule my time in a way that I was able to not only get everything ready, but also visit pretty much all the family and friends I had wanted to see before leaving, take my sister and my nephew to Canada's Wonderland on seperate occasions, attend two going away parties and a birthday celebration, and still continue to work with the autistic boy that I had been tutoring/mentoring for the past four years.

That being said, it meant me running around like a mad man most of the time. The last three weeks leading up to me leaving, I can only remember one day where I was home doing nothing for any length of time. Every other day I would wake up in the morning, get ready, leave for the day and usually get home at about 2 am before going to bed and getting up the next day to do it all over again. Surprisingly I wasn't all that worn out from doing this.

During the last two weeks though (end of July and beginning of August), everyday I would realize how quickly the day would arrive that I would be leaving. Whereas before I felt I had so much time, now I kept thinking that there wasn't enough. Even though I was doing everything that needed to be done, everything that I wanted to do, and seeing all the people I wanted to see, it wasn't enough...

As excited as I was to start my new life, to finally pursue my dream, I was having a hard time letting go of my old, familiar life. I am the kind of person who goes with the flow, and takes each day as it comes. I have no problem with change, and even crave it as I tend to get bored with routine. Yet, I have never had to deal with such a drastic change all at once. I have never had everything I am accustomed to come to an end and be replaced with all new people, places and situations.

As humans, we cling to familiarity because it feels comfortable, because it feels safe, because it just seems to fit. Its like an old worn in pair of shoes that just slip on so easily, and are so comfortable, that you hardly even realize you have them on. But here I was, having to get rid of those old worn in shoes, and replacing them with brand new stiff shoes that end up giving you a blister on your heel because they don't yield as you walk. But not only did I have to get new shoes, I had to get new pants, a new shirt, new socks, new underwear, new sunglasses, a new watch, a new hairstyle, well you get the idea. In the end it was almost starting to feel like I was no longer me. I think a large part of our identity is tied up in the places we choose to live and the people we choose to surround ourselves with. Take that away, and you lose a part of yourself. This is how I felt, and still do feel. While I am so glad to be here, I am beginning to really miss home, partly because I don't quite feel like myself.

In time I am sure I will figure out what these changes will mean as far as my identity is concerned, if they end up meaning anything. And if who I am is to change as a result, I only hope it is for the better. Yet, I just keep remembering those days leading up to me leaving and how I kept wishing then and still wish now, that I could have had just one more day...