Excitement, apprehension, curiosity, wonder, and an overall sense of change… this is how I felt this morning as I woke up knowing that today, for the first time in my life, I would cut into a human being. Today was the first day of Gross Anatomy. It is seen as a rite of passage for med students. We are given the privilege of entering into a place that few ever get to go, the inside of the human body. And what a privilege it is!
The people that have donated their bodies have given us med students the invaluable gift of seeing firsthand the inner workings of the body. They have allowed us to truly appreciate the intricacies and complexities of a human being. I recently read a book by a female Navaho surgeon who spoke about the sacredness of a person, and about the sacredness of their body. She spoke of the unbelievable trust that is placed in a surgeons hands when a patient allows them to enter a place so sacred that even they themselves have not seen it. It is a place that holds them to this earth, a place whose state dictates whether they are alive or dead. We have been allowed to enter that sacred place at a time where no lives can be lost, at a time that allows our fumbling nervous explorations of the human body, without the consequences that would surely arise from our unskilled hands. It is done in the hopes that that knowledge and understanding will allow us to save the lives of our future patients, whether we are surgeons or doctors, because we have visited that sacred place, and have come to understand how its form and function are linked to our living essence.
As I entered into the anatomy lab, I looked at metal table after metal table, lined in rows. It seemed cold, silent, deliberate and unwelcoming. While I had been excited all day, unable to stop smiling because of it, as I walked in to the room, my smile fell away. I knew that each table had a body upon it, but they were covered by two metal cabinets which met at the top in the middle, protecting the cadavers from us, and us from them. I found myself wondering whether we would have a male or female, whether they would be old or young, thin or fat. I knew that upon each table lay a person who had once been living, who had had dreams and desires, friends and family, successes and failures, joys and hardships. They were not just bodies, but people, individuals. That is something I did not want to forget.
As my group and I gathered at our assigned table, and the other groups settled into their place as well, it was time to open up the table to reveal the body underneath. I cannot really explain what it is like to have a room full of people, pulling away these metal curtains, revealing the lifeless bodies of dozens of human beings. It is surreal to say the least.
As we opened our table, we found that we had been given an elderly woman whom we have come to refer to as “Daisy”. She has white-grey hair and toenails that are painted hot pink. On one of her ears is a tag identifying the year that her body was donated. We were told to pull back the sheet that covered her, and as we did so we already began to understand more about who she was before she died. Near her tailbone we found a sizeable bed sore. We also noticed that her spine is twisted a bit to one side. In the end she must have spent a long time in bed. Was she alone or surrounded by family and friends? I don’t know, but I’d like to think it was the latter.
The lab instructor tells us to begin making the initial incision from the base of the skull, all the way to the tailbone, as today we were going to learn the structures of the superficial back. I believe all of us experienced a moment of hesitation. A moment of feeling like we had been thrown into this, completely unprepared and unqualified. Who were we to be trusted with cutting into the flesh of another human being? Yet that is precisely why we were here. It was because we were not prepared or qualified, and if we are to become doctors then that is something that must change. While some of us may never be very skilled at cutting, or have any desire to be surgeons, the intimate knowledge of the human body that we gain as a result of gross anatomy is something that will allow us to be better physicians regardless of the specialty we end up choosing.
I however am pretty sure I do want to be a surgeon. As such I have come to look at anatomy not only as a source of invaluable knowledge, but also as an opportunity to become comfortable holding and using a scalpel. I did not make the initial incision though. I had wanted to, but someone else in my group did as well, and so I waited patiently for my turn to make an incision on a human body for the very first time. I realize that this sounds somewhat morbid, but for anyone who is fascinated by the human body, or desires to be a doctor or surgeon, I think they can appreciate how I felt. I did make the second incision, and as I began to cut, the sense of apprehension faded, as curiosity superseded it. As a group, we began to become comfortable with the process. We began to refer to “Daisy” with affection, honoured that she had been assigned to us. There is also a graphic and visceral nature involved in dissection which I will not go into, but suffice it to say, even after just one day, I have a much greater appreciation for the human body.
Today I began my exploration of the human body, a place so sacred that “Daisy” herself had never seen it. While the white coat ceremony, finishing my first exam and finishing my first block of med school are all milestones which have made me being here seem all the more real. It wasn’t until today that I truly felt I have entered the field of medicine. I have the utmost respect for Daisy. I only wish I could let her know how grateful I am that she has given me such an amazing opportunity.
